The He Man, Woman Haters Club
This is an old clip from the show “The Little Rascals.” The clip is over 50 years old, but illustrates a timeless truth about people. We love to divide up into “clubs” and “cliques” (pronounced “clicks”). In the above clip, the boys decide that they’re going to form the “He Man Woman Haters Club.” And so they form their own clique and exclude others from hanging out with them (primarily the girls).
The truth is, we do the same thing. As humans we love to be part of groups because they make us feel special. Groups remind us that we have friends and that we’re loved by others. The problem with groups is that sometimes, they develop into cliques. A clique is defined as an exclusive, small group of friends. Cliques can end up hurting others who feel excluded, lonely, and “uninvited.” This is a danger that we fall into as Christians all the time. And it makes us look just like the world instead of like Jesus.
Now, don’t hear me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with having close friends and hanging out with them. Even Jesus pulled away to be with His 12 disciples and sometimes just to be with Peter, James and John. So, how do we know if we’re part of a group or part of a clique? How do we know if we’re excluding others and hurting their feelings? Here are some questions that can shed some light on that question for us…
Q: When you have a party or a get together, are you including everyone or only the people you think are “cool?”
Q: Do you find yourself only hanging out only with the same people?
Q: When someone new arrives at school, youth group, etc… do you go out of your way to invite them in and include them in your conversation and hang out times?
Q: Do new people feel genuinely welcomed by you?
Q: Do you feel threatened when others become friends with your friends?
Q: Are there people in your life who always get “left out?”
If you noticed that you tend to “exclude” more than “include,” you may have a “secret club” or “clique” lifestyle. The truth is… most of us struggle in this area. We have to make an intentional effort to be “inclusive.” We don’t just become inclusive by wishing for it. We have to ACT in ways that are inclusive.
Jesus modeled this for us. Instead of just hanging with His homies all the time, he was constantly including those who felt left out… tax collectors, sick people, people of other races, children, etc. A few weeks ago, we talked in youth group about how Jesus’ death on the Cross “knocked down the wall” between Jews and Gentiles. Why? Because God’s desire was for us to live in a unified community and to love others deeply without any walls. Cliques put up walls. Secret clubs put up walls. We all struggle with this. And so I think it’s important for us to step back occasionally and ask “Am I part of a clique or am I including others in my friendships?”
Your Turn
Why do you think cliques can be dangerous?
How can cliques cause people to turn away from the Church and from Jesus?
What are some practical ways that we can include others in our friendships?
How can being inclusive show Jesus to others?
What are you going to do to practice being inclusive?
December 9th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
I do thinks cliques can be dangerous, say someone new, and not quite a believer, comes to youth and is not welcomed. They might stereotype all Christians as jerks, and not want to be a part of the body of Christ. I’d say an easy way to include someone at youth, would just be to just eat snack with them, it’s not long at all, but it would probably make a difference. And I think that the chair-switching thing really goes along with this well. Thats all…
December 9th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
i agree with Rudy and what he said about new kids at youth,or school,or anything else.i know from past experience that cliques can be dangerous and tend to give the wrong impression.this new kid might think that nobody wants to be friends with them because nobody is including them.maybe remembering what it was like for us when we were new at school or youth or whatever might help us(in general) to remember that we should include instead of exclude.maybe…
December 11th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
I third the motion of agreement with Rudy. Clubs and Cliques can not only be dangerous but hurtful. Many times has it happened when people I know have formed “clubs”, but it has always resulted in people getting their feelings hurt and feeling like they are left out of something. I would know because I personally have had that happen to me in my past. It really can be hurtful as well as dangerous to many people.
December 11th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
I think Cliques are very dangerous but more than that there hurtful I know what it feels like to be left out and it’s not fun especially when you don’t know anyone.
December 11th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
i think that we should have a constant check on who is by themselves, and what we are doing at that same moment.
sometimes we (i) exclude people without knowing it, so we should always be checking to see that no one is left out.
December 12th, 2009 at 7:25 am
Haha I also agree with Rudy except not just at church, reall anywhere. At school at girl scouts, a party or just in a public place. It is our job as Christians to spread the love of Christ to anyone and everyone. This means that if at lunch if you see the kid sitting alone because of how he dresses or how he talks or where he is from-go talk to him, let him know that you do care about how he feels at this school. Be like Christ and break down the wall for cliques and harsh judgement.